Selfishness (Spoken Word)

My Selfishness is a shell that I wear on my back
It's a shield from my cares, worries, dreams, thoughts, friends, family, love, attack.
I duck and I hide and I cower behind an image of myself constructed by myself for reasons not even I am fully aware of
For I want to love
But I am Selfish 
For I wish to care
But I am Selfish 
For I want to believe
But I am Selfish 
For I wish . . .

For I am the sum of me
Myself added up together, my soul, my mind, my body, my, my, my, my, my . . .
But truth be told,  I flee from myself
I love myself so much that I hate me.

Apathy is sword I use to strike down, DEAD, the thoughts which inch me towards the boundaries of my comfort
I put on the hat of an actor and I act like I DO NOT CARE
But no matter who I am fooling, I am not fooling me.
Life is unjust and though the masses scream, "THIS IS NOT FAIR."
I sit by with glazed eyes and a broken heart staring off into nothing so I do not have to look into the faces of the hurting.
Because I too know pain, and I too was once dying of a hemorrhage of emotion
But my ID took over my SUPEREGO damaging my EGO in the motion
Now I sit by as life shifts past
doing what is pleasing to me
but the longer I waste my heart loses hope that at last my mind will see.

For I am the sum of me
Myself added up together with my soul, my mind, my body, my, my, my, my, my . . .
But truth be told, I flee from myself
I love myself so much that I . . . hate . . . me.